Weddings are joyous occasions filled with love, celebration, and of course, plenty of laughter. From the heartfelt vows to the hilarious dance moves, there’s no shortage of opportunities for merriment on the big day. And what better way to keep the mood light and the smiles wide than with a collection of side-splitting wedding jokes? Whether you’re the best man delivering a toast or simply looking to add some humor to the festivities, these wedding jokes are sure to have everyone chuckling in no time.
Funniest Best Man Jokes for Speech
1. It’s been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers.
2. If there’s anybody here this afternoon who’s feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, it’s probably because you’ve just married [NAME].
3. We’ve now reached the point in the proceedings when we all get to see the [NAME] shift uncomfortably in his seat and grip the tablecloth. That’s right. I’ve been asked to give him the drinks’ bill.
4. All those amongst you who know [PARTNER] well will know that she/he is a wonderful and caring person. S/he deserves a good husband. Thank God [NAME] married her/him before s/he found one.
5. Just some last messages here to read out: one from [NAME’S] football team to [PARTNER] – Apologies we couldn’t all be there today, good luck with [NAME], we found him to be useless in most positions, but wishing you all the best for tonight.
6. I’d also like to congratulate [NAME] on a truly magnificent speech. I always knew it would be hard to follow and I was right, I could hardly follow a word of it.
7. [PARTNER] please put your left hand flat on the table. [NAME] please place your hand on top of theirs. Enjoy this moment [NAME] because it’s the first and last time in your marriage that you’ll have the upper hand.
8. I do have to say though [name] just how lucky you are. You will leave here today with a [WIFE/HUSBAND] who is warm, loving and caring. And [PARTNER], how lucky you are as well. You leave here today having gained a lovely outfit and a wonderful bouquet of flowers.
9. Being asked to be someone’s best man is like being called up for jury duty. You don’t really want to do it but know you have to. You’re made to dress in a suit and pretend to be an upstanding member of the community. The only difference is I didn’t have a say if the life sentence passed earlier today.
10. I recognise my place here; a best man is similar to a dead body at a funeral. Of course you are expected to be there but if you say too much then people start freaking out.
11. Now I did ask for a microphone but was told one wasn’t available. So if you can’t hear me at the back, the silence from the people at the front should reassure you that you’re not missing out on anything.
12. You’ve got no idea how much I’ve been looking forward to today. After all the time I’ve been friends with [NAME], they have at long last admitted that I am in fact the best man.
13. I didn’t really know where to start so I thought I’d trawl the internet. After a couple of hours I’d found some really, really good stuff. But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech.
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14. We all know the [PARTNER] is a wonderful person who deserves the perfect guy. Too bad you don’t always get what you deserve.
15. As part of my research, I discovered that according to tradition I am supposed to sing the groom’s praises and tell you all about his many good points. Well, I’m very sorry but I can’t sing and I won’t lie.
16. Well, I do hope that [PARTNER] and [NAME] enjoy their honeymoon in Wales. I assume that’s where they’re going anyway… When I asked [NAME] what he was doing after the wedding, he said he was going to Bangor for a fortnight.
17. Firstly I’d like to say I’m very nervous about making this speech. In fact this must be the third time today that I’ve stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.
18. Good evening, family and friends. I’m very happy to preside over the only five minutes of the day [PARTNER] didn’t plan.
19. I don’t believe in roasting the groom on his special day. Therefore this speech won’t contain anything embarrassing or controversial about [NAME]. Instead I’ll refer only to the kind, funny side of his character. Thank you and goodnight.
20. Loyal, caring, sincere, honest, a great man… but that’s enough about me, I’m here to give a speech about [NAME]!
Wedding Jokes
21. Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged?
I hear they met on the web.
22. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
23. Two cannonballs got married this morning.
I hear they’re already expecting BBs.
24. The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
25. Did you hear about the bald man who married his comb?
He promised, “I’ll never part with it!”
26. Grooms, once you get married, remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember to get the last two words in: “Yes, dear”.
27. It is true that love is blind?
Because marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
28. Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married?
The reception was terrific.
29. Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next!”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
30. This couple was married for 67 years. I asked them that if, in all those years, had they ever thought of divorce.
“Heavens no,” she replied. “Murder, yes. But never divorce.”
31. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one.
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
32. It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job.
He still ends up with the same boss.
33. Marriages are made in heaven.
Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.
34. Two florists recently got married.
It was an arranged marriage.
35. The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
My wife says I never listen…
Or something like that.
36. I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married.
The bride was radiant, and the groom was glowing.
37. I wanted to make a short toast of my own. I’ve known John and Jane for a few years now, and I’ve seen them make a lot of tough decisions together. Some good decisions and some not-so-good decisions. I’m just glad that I could be here today to witness them make the best decision of their lives… choosing me as their MC.
38. Marriage is becoming more and more progressive.
I hear two scoutmasters decided to tie the knot.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while weddings are undoubtedly a time for love and celebration, they’re also an opportunity for endless laughter and joy. Whether you’re the best man delivering a toast or simply a guest enjoying the festivities, these wedding jokes are sure to add an extra dose of merriment to the occasion. So go ahead, raise a glass, and toast to love, laughter, and happily ever after!