Hospitals can be intimidating places for children. The unfamiliar environment, the presence of medical staff, and the reason for being there can all contribute to anxiety and fear. However, laughter has a remarkable ability to ease tension and bring comfort. A well-timed joke can lighten the mood, distract from worries, and make the hospital experience a bit more bearable. In this collection, you’ll find a variety of short, hospital-themed jokes that are perfect for brightening the spirits of young patients and their families. These jokes are designed to be lighthearted and fun, providing a much-needed dose of humor in a challenging setting. Whether shared by doctors, nurses, parents, or friends, these jokes are sure to bring smiles and giggles to kids of all ages.
Short Hospital Jokes for Kids
1. Where’s the worst place to hide in a hospital?
The ICU.
2. My son swallowed some coins and was taken to hospital.
When I asked how he was, the nurse said, “No change yet.”
3. At the hospital I was admitted to, apple costs $2, pumpkin $3 and blueberry $4 per slice.
Those are the pie-rates of the care-I-be-in.
4. My pregnant wife hobbled into the hospital with one hand on her back.
A nurse asked her what’s wrong, and my wife screamed, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Didn’t!”
5. The nurse shook her head and said, “I’m sorry…I don’t understand.”
My wife’s face contorted in pain as she shouted, “Can’t! Won’t! Don’t!”
6. The nurse, bewildered, turned the doctor.
“Admit her,” the doctor said. “She’s having contractions.”
7. My wife told me she saw two EMTs walking over by the hospital.
“Two EMTs?” I asked her. “Don’t you mean a pair o’ medics?”
8. What part of the hospital has the least privacy?
The ICU.
9. I just heard there’s a new Canadian strain of Covid.
People are showing up to the hospital eh-symptomatic.
10. Why do hospitals have emergency generators?
It seems to me they have enough emergencies there to begin with.
11. I rushed to my local hospital only to find that it had been converted into a library.
Talk about having to suffer in silence.
12. My wife gave birth in our car on the way to the hospital.
I named him Carson.
13. I accidentally drank from a jar of invisible ink.
I’m currently at the hospital waiting to be seen.
14. What’s the difference between The Sahara and Jello?
One is an inhospitable desert and the other is an in hospital dessert.
15. My father used to work as a hospital renovator.
He found it very re-ward-ing.
16. A man was admitted to hospital after swallowing 6 plastic horses.
His condition has been described as stable.
17. A man walks into a hospital, he says to the receptionist, “I have an appointment at 1:30.”
She replies, “Which doctor?”
The man says, “No thanks, just a regular doctor please.”
18. Why was the DJ no longer allowed at the vegetable hospital?
He kept dropping sick beets.
19. Did you hear about the guy who’s blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered.
20. I was visiting my pregnant friend at the hospital, and the only parking spot I could find was in the C section.
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
21. At the maternity hospital, a doctor handed the husband the baby and said, “I’m sorry, but your wife didn’t make it.”
The husband handed the baby back and said, “Well then, give me the one my wife did make!”
22. Who is the nicest guy in the hospital?
The ultra-sound guy.
23. A man runs into a hospital in a frenzy yelling, “I’m shrinking! I’m shrinking!”
A nurse approaches him and says, “Sir, you’re just going to have to be a little patient.”
24. Who’s the coolest guy in the hospital when the ultrasound guy isn’t there?
The hip replacement guy.
See Also: 50 Firefighter Jokes That’ll Sure Spark a Laugh
25. I started my new job at the local hospital helping to move patients around the hospital.
It’s not much, but it’s a rewarding job.
26. Visiting a friend at the hospital and I noticed that all the nurses had red crayons.
Found out they need them to draw blood.
27. What did the Power Ranger say after being sent to the hospital?
It’s morphine time.
28. Walking to work one day, a woman asked me what was the quickest way to the hospital.
So I pushed her under a bus.
29. Because of a clerical error at the hospital we named both of our twin boys William.
They billed us twice.
30. A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital.
He was on a fairway to heaven.
31. What hospital extension do you call for women going into labor?
Dial 8.
32. To what part of the hospital was the stalker admitted?
The ICU.
33. Why don’t mining towns have hospitals?
Because everyone there only ever suffers from minor injuries.
34. What fish work in hospitals?
Sturgeons.
35. It caused quite a stir when the hospital took delivery of a 600lb piano when the pianist died.
Turns out the pianist was an organ donor.
36. Why do doctors make us wait at the hospital?
Because we’re patient.
37. Did you hear about the dog that sat outside a hospital for an entire day?
It was a patient dog.
38. Why did the dermatologist lose his position at the hospital?
He made too many rash decisions.
Conclusion
Laughter truly is the best medicine, and these jokes are designed to deliver just that—a healthy dose of humor to lift the spirits of young patients. Hospitals can be scary, but a good laugh can make the environment seem a bit friendlier. Whether it’s a doctor, nurse, parent, or friend sharing these jokes, the goal is to create moments of joy and distraction from the more serious aspects of hospital visits. We hope these jokes bring a smile to every child’s face and make their day a little brighter.