Christmas is the season for joy, laughter, and all things merry, and who better to bring a good dose of holiday humor than the iconic Maxine? Known for her sarcasm, wit, and unapologetically grumpy attitude, Maxine has become a go-to character for hilarious holiday quips that are a perfect mix of cynical and festive. For those looking to add a splash of humor to the holiday season, these Maxine Christmas jokes are sure to bring on the laughs, whether at a family gathering or shared among friends. So grab a cup of eggnog, sit back, and enjoy 47 original Maxine-inspired Christmas jokes that will surely make your season bright.
Maxine on Christmas Cards
1. I sent out my Christmas cards. If you don’t get one, it’s probably because I couldn’t find a stamp, or you were annoying last year.
2. Why do I send Christmas cards? To remind people I’m still around to pester them.
3. If I haven’t seen you since last Christmas, don’t expect me to remember your address this year.
4. Christmas cards are my way of saying, “I thought about you for five seconds.”
5. How do I choose who gets a card? I close my eyes and point.
6. I don’t need your address for Christmas cards. I need a reminder of why I’m still friends with you.
7. Christmas cards should come with warnings: “Caution! May contain sappy feelings I don’t actually have.”
Maxine on Holiday Shopping
8. My holiday shopping’s done. That’s because I never started it in the first place.
9. Black Friday? Ha! It’s more like Black-and-Blue Friday after I’m done with it.
10. If they wanted me to shop in December, they shouldn’t have moved the calendar so close to Christmas.
11. I saved a ton this year by not buying anything for anyone I don’t like. And that’s just about everyone.
12. Online shopping is great—especially when I hit “Cancel Order.”
13. Who needs a wish list? My bank statement already does all the screaming.
14. Wrapping presents is just a fancy way of pretending that I tried.
Maxine on Christmas Decorations
15. Why would I hang lights outside? I barely have energy to turn the lights on inside.
16. My holiday decorations are a big success…if dust counts as décor.
17. I put up my Christmas tree all by myself this year. OK, technically, I dragged it from the attic and left it in the corner.
18. My idea of decorating for the holidays is putting a bow on last night’s empty wine bottle.
19. I’d put more effort into decorating if someone promised to pay my electric bill.
20. People say my Christmas decorations are a little dark. That’s because I forgot to plug them in.
21. Deck the halls? More like dodge the calls. Holiday decorating isn’t my thing.
Maxine on Christmas Baking
22. If I can eat it and don’t have to bake it, that’s my idea of a Christmas cookie.
23. Every year I make my famous holiday cookies: also known as burnt.
24. My holiday bake-off strategy? Avoid the kitchen at all costs.
25. Why bake when store-bought cookies taste just as good, and I don’t have to scrub the pans?
26. You want me to make cookies for Santa? Santa better make me cookies.
27. Who needs recipes when you have an oven and a ‘let’s see what happens’ attitude?
28. The only thing I’m stirring this holiday is a hot cup of coffee…maybe.
Maxine on Family Gatherings
29. Family is the best part of the holidays—unless they’re yours.
30. I don’t “host” holiday gatherings. I tolerate them.
31. The secret to a great family Christmas? Pretend you’re not home.
32. My family asked me to cook this year. So I made reservations.
33. Family gatherings are great—when they’re over.
34. Nothing says Christmas like avoiding everyone I can’t stand.
35. I celebrate the holidays by hiding in my room until it’s over.
Maxine on Christmas Music
36. If I hear “Jingle Bells” one more time, someone’s getting a jingle slap.
37. All I want for Christmas is to turn off the radio.
38. My Christmas playlist? The sounds of silence.
39. Who came up with caroling? It’s just forced joy with a side of cold feet.
40. There’s a time for holiday music—usually five minutes before the New Year.
41. Christmas songs are just like fruitcake: better if you leave them alone.
42. I sing Christmas songs the same way I do karaoke—loud, wrong, and with no apologies.
Maxine on Winter Weather
43. Cold weather is great…for staying inside and doing nothing.
44. I would go out in the snow if it wasn’t wet, cold, and full of other people.
45. They say winter is magical. I say it’s an excuse to raise my heating bill.
46. The best part of a winter wonderland? Watching it from the warmth of my couch.
47. My idea of snow angels? A snow shovel and a hot drink.
Conclusion
The holiday season is full of moments for laughter, even for those with a bit of a “bah-humbug” spirit like Maxine. From her opinions on family gatherings to Christmas cards and baking, her holiday wisdom reminds us to find humor in the quirks and stresses that come along with the festivities. After all, a good laugh can be just the remedy to the holiday hustle and bustle. So keep these Maxine Christmas jokes handy this season, and share the laughter with family and friends. Here’s to a merry and mirthful Christmas filled with smiles and, of course, a bit of sass!
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