Thanksgiving is a holiday full of food, laughter, and plenty of calories to go around. While we’re enjoying turkey, mashed potatoes, and all the trimmings, counting calories can be a daunting task—but not today! Thanksgiving is a time to indulge and share a few laughs with friends and family. Here are 46 calorie-themed jokes to add some humor to your Thanksgiving celebration, leaving everyone a little more cheerful—and maybe just a bit lighter, at least in spirit.
The Turkey’s Revenge
1. Why did the turkey get promoted to calorie counter? It was great at stuffing the numbers!
2. Why don’t turkeys worry about calories? They know they’ll get “dressed” up regardless.
3. How does a turkey count calories? By weighing its options!
4. Why did the turkey look forward to Thanksgiving dinner? It’s the one day everyone else gains more weight!
5. How does a turkey keep track of its calories? With a “fowl” count!
6. Why did the turkey join the diet club? It heard there was plenty to “gobble” up.
7. Why don’t turkeys ever track calories? They’re too stuffed to care.
8. What’s a turkey’s favorite holiday math? Divide and conquer calories!
Stuffing the Numbers
9. What’s the Thanksgiving meal’s motto? Calories don’t count if you can’t see them on the scale!
10. Why did the stuffing feel proud on Thanksgiving? Because it could out-calorie the turkey!
11. How many calories are in stuffing? Enough to stuff your pants!
12. Why does stuffing never worry about calories? It just lets the turkey take the weight!
13. How did the stuffing win at Thanksgiving? It had the most stuffing calories per bite!
14. What does the stuffing say when it’s feeling extra indulgent? “More bread? Don’t mind if I dough!”
15. Why is stuffing so confident on Thanksgiving? It knows everyone’s too hungry to care about calories.
16. What’s the stuffing’s favorite hobby? Counting its carbs before they’re gone!
Pie in the Sky
17. How many calories are in a slice of pie? Too many for my thighs, but just enough for my soul!
18. Why did the pumpkin pie apply for a calorie cut? It wanted to be “leaning” on the side!
19. What did the pie say to the whipped cream? “We’re in this calorie count together!”
20. How did the pie win the calorie contest? By a slice and a half!
21. Why do pies make terrible diet food? They’re full of sweet, sweet lies!
22. Why don’t pies need a gym membership? They’re all about that core!
23. What’s a pie’s favorite exercise? Rolling out!
24. Why did the apple pie skip the calorie count? It’s the “apple of everyone’s pie!”
Potato Puns Galore
25. Why are mashed potatoes terrible at counting calories? They’re always adding butter to the numbers.
26. How do mashed potatoes keep track of their calories? With a “butter” notepad!
27. Why did the mashed potatoes laugh at the diet? They know Thanksgiving is all about lumps and loads!
28. What’s mashed potatoes’ favorite Thanksgiving activity? Adding up the gravy weight!
29. How do mashed potatoes practice self-control? By rolling with the gravy punches.
30. Why do mashed potatoes look forward to Thanksgiving? It’s a smooth operation with lots of carbs!
31. What’s mashed potatoes’ response to a calorie check? “I’m just here to be mashed, not counted.”
32. Why are mashed potatoes so relatable? They’re soft, fluffy, and high in carbs—just like our post-dinner selves!
Cranberry Conundrum
33. How do cranberries count calories? They just “berry” the thought!
34. Why did the cranberry sauce win the diet award? It’s got the “sweetest” calorie count around!
35. What’s a cranberry’s calorie-counting advice? Just roll with it!
36. Why do cranberries stay calm about calories? They’re too busy “saucing” it up!
37. How many calories does cranberry sauce have? Enough to make the turkey jealous!
38. What’s cranberry sauce’s Thanksgiving pep talk? “You only sauce once!”
39. Why do cranberries skip the diet conversation? They’re too sweet to resist.
40. Why did the cranberry sauce go on a diet? To “berry” the hatchet with the scales!
Dessert and Done
41. How many calories are in dessert on Thanksgiving? Enough to make New Year’s jealous!
42. Why don’t calories count after dessert? Because they’ve been “sweetened” into hiding.
43. Why does dessert get away with the most calories? It’s the grand finale, and no one questions it!
44. Why do desserts feel so free on Thanksgiving? They’re the cherry on top of everyone’s diet denial!
45. What’s the best way to count calories in dessert? Let someone else do it!
46. How many calories in a Thanksgiving dessert? All of them, and that’s exactly enough!
Conclusion
Thanksgiving is the time to celebrate, laugh, and enjoy everything on the table, from the turkey to the last slice of pie. These Thanksgiving calorie-count jokes are a lighthearted reminder that food is meant to be enjoyed, especially on a holiday dedicated to gratitude and togetherness. So, this Thanksgiving, let the calorie count slide and focus on creating memories filled with love, laughter, and a dash of humor—one bite at a time. Happy Thanksgiving!
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