Comedy is a powerful force that has the ability to brighten our days, challenge our perspectives, and unite people through laughter. Comedians, with their unique insights and quick – witted remarks, have given us countless memorable lines. These 45 quotes from some of the greatest comedians offer a glimpse into their comedic genius, serving as a source of amusement, inspiration, and a fresh look at the world. Whether you’re a comedy aficionado, in need of a pick – me – up, or simply want to add some humor to your day, these quotes are sure to resonate.
45 Best Comedian Quotes to Make You Happy
1. “Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?” – Bill Murray
2. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
3. “Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples’ vacations was considered a punishment.” – Betty White
4. “People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” – Joan Rivers
5. “You’re only given one little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams
6. “When people say ‘it’s always the last place you look.’ Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?” – Billy Connolly
7. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
8. “I finished a big book the other day. 421 pages. That’s a lot of coloring when you think about it.” – Adam Sandler
9. “I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for those who like country music, denigrate means to ‘put down.’” – Bob Newhart
10. “If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.” – Gilbert Gottfried
11. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
12. “May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.” – George Carlin
13. “As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re gonna be dizzy and we’re gonna make mistakes.” – Mel Brooks
14. “Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.” – Larry David
15. “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg
16. “What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.” – Amy Poehler
17. “Everything’s funny — in the right context and done by the right person.” – Chris Rock
18. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” – Jimmy Kimmel
19. “For fast – acting relief, try slowing down.” – Lily Tomlin
20. “I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.” – Demetri Martin
21. “I don’t have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day.” – Dylan Moran
22. “Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.” – Chris Rock
23. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
24. “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them … well, I have others.” – Groucho Marx
25. “I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.” – Eddie Izzard
26. “My psychiatrist told me I am crazy, and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.” – Rodney Dangerfield
27. “It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
28. “When I asked my personal trainer at the gym which machine I should use to impress beautiful women he pointed outside and said the ATM machine.” – Trevor Noah
29. “People always ask me ‘were you funny as a child?’ Well, I was an accountant.” – Ellen DeGeneres
30. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis
31. “If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.” – W. C. Fields
32. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde
33. “The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.” – John Mulaney
34. “When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn’t matter who’s president.” – Louis C.K.
35. “Normal is nothing more than a cycle on a washing machine.” – Whoopi Goldberg
36. “You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘see if you can blow this out.’” – Jerry Seinfeld
37. “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade … and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka and have a party.” – Ron White
38. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz
39. “You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you’re not ‘professional’ anymore.” – Jeff Foxworthy
40. “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” – Woody Allen
41. “Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.” – George Carlin
42. “You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.” – George Burns
43. “Be kind to people on the way up – you’ll meet them again on your way down.” – Jimmy Durante
44. “I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.” – Lucille Ball
45. “I don’t know what the future holds. All I know is, I’m good today. Real good.” – Chris Farley
Conclusion
These 45 comedian quotes capture the essence of comedy in all its forms. They range from the absurd to the deeply relatable, from the cleverly worded to the hilariously simple. Each quote is a testament to the comedians’ ability to find humor in the everyday, the profound, and the ridiculous. Whether you share them to spread laughter, or keep them in mind for a moment of levity, these quotes are a celebration of the power of comedy to make life a little more enjoyable.
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