Christmas time in Liverpool is a magical blend of tradition, community, and, of course, humour. Known for their sharp wit and unique sense of comedy, Scousers have a way of infusing their humour into every aspect of life—including Christmas. These jokes reflect the vibrant culture, unmistakable accent, and heartwarming camaraderie of the people of Liverpool. Whether you’re at a family gathering or celebrating with friends, these jokes will add plenty of fun and laughter to your festive cheer. Get ready for a dose of laughter with these 45 Scouse Christmas jokes.
45 Scouse Christmas Jokes to Bring Laughter This Festive Season
1. Why did Santa hire a Scouser for his sleigh team?
Because he knew a Scouser would always go the extra mile, even in the snow!
2. What’s a Scouser’s favourite part of Christmas dinner?
The sprouts—because they’re the only vegetable that doesn’t talk back!
3. Why don’t Scousers like to tell Christmas secrets?
Because they know they’ll end up being the first to spill the beans.
4. What’s a Scouser’s Christmas wish?
For a new set of wheels—preferably a car that starts without a tow rope!
5. Why did the Scouser bring a ladder to the Christmas party?
Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
6. How does a Scouser prepare for Christmas?
He gets the turkey, takes it home, then puts it in a cab to his mam’s for Christmas dinner.
7. What’s a Scouser’s idea of a perfect Christmas?
It’s got to include a full belly, a few laughs, and a pint of lager with a “Christmas jumper” thrown in for good measure.
8. Why was the Scouser Santa Claus so good at his job?
Because he always knew who had been naughty and who was just “misunderstood” like a true Scouser.
9. What do you call a Scouser under the mistletoe?
A proper cheeky one.
10. What did the Scouser say to Santa when he asked what he wanted for Christmas?
“Just a bag of chips and a bottle of ketchup, Santa, I’m easy like that.”
11. Why did the Scouser put a coin in the Christmas pudding?
He heard there was going to be a lot of interest in that pudding.
12. What’s a Scouser’s favourite Christmas song?
“Do They Know It’s Christmas?”—but only because it mentions food!
13. What do Scousers leave out for Santa?
A pint of milk and a copy of “The Echo” so Santa can read about how amazing Liverpool is!
14. Why did the Scouser buy a Christmas tree with no branches?
Because it was cheaper and he just wanted the lights!
15. Why did the Scouser refuse to wear a Christmas jumper?
Because he preferred a good Liverpool FC shirt, even if it was too cold.
16. What’s a Scouser’s favourite way to decorate a Christmas tree?
With a few old football scarves and a couple of plastic bags!
17. Why did the Scouser bring a bottle of gravy to Christmas dinner?
Because nothing says Christmas like a proper Scouse feast, and gravy goes with everything.
18. What did the Scouser give his mate for Christmas?
A Liverpool FC mug—he said it was “something to cheer him up through the winter months!”
19. Why do Scousers love Christmas shopping?
Because they know how to bag a bargain and make every gift seem like a grand gesture.
20. What’s a Scouser’s idea of the perfect Christmas gift?
Anything free, especially if it’s from a clearance sale.
21. What did the Scouser say when he saw the Christmas lights in the city?
“Not bad for a bunch of blinking bulbs, eh?”
22. Why do Scousers always make sure their Christmas decorations are just right?
So they can show them off to everyone and say, “Look, love, it’s like a scene from a Christmas movie!”
23. How do you know a Scouser is in charge of the Christmas shopping list?
The list is longer than the queue at the food bank!
24. Why do Scousers love Christmas crackers?
Because you never know what you’re going to get, but you always know it’ll be worth a laugh.
25. What’s a Scouser’s favourite Christmas film?
“Home Alone” – because they can relate to being left behind after a hectic Christmas shopping trip.
26. What do you call a Scouser singing Christmas carols?
A Scouser’s version of “silent night”—it’s a bit loud and not very in tune, but it’s full of heart!
27. Why did the Scouser take a pint of lager to the Christmas carol service?
Because he couldn’t have Christmas without a drink in hand!
28. What’s the most common Christmas wish in Liverpool?
“A blue Christmas,” but only if it’s the Everton way.
29. What’s a Scouser’s idea of a Christmas miracle?
When the buses run on time and there’s no traffic on Christmas Eve.
30. Why did the Scouser refuse to go to a fancy Christmas ball?
Because there’s no chance of finding a proper turkey sandwich at one of those!
31. What do Scousers call their Christmas party food?
A proper spread – pies, pasties, and plenty of nibbles to last all night.
32. Why did the Scouser say he was “all right” after eating a massive Christmas dinner?
Because he’s never met a plate of food he wouldn’t tackle head-on!
33. Why did the Scouser love Christmas so much?
Because it’s the one time of year when everyone pretends to get along… except for the footie banter.
34. What do Scousers do on Boxing Day?
They go out for a walk to “work off” Christmas dinner, but end up at the pub anyway.
35. Why was the Scouser upset when his Christmas turkey didn’t cook right?
Because he couldn’t get a decent gravy with it, and that’s a crime in Liverpool!
36. What do you call a Scouser trying to get through the Christmas crowds?
A miracle in the making.
37. What did the Scouser get for Christmas this year?
A new pair of slippers, because he was tired of wearing the same old ones since last Christmas!
38. What do you call a Scouser who hasn’t bought any Christmas presents?
Someone who’s just waiting for the Boxing Day sales!
39. Why did the Scouser leave his Christmas pudding in the fridge?
Because he wanted to make sure it was chilled, just like his humour.
40. What’s the best Christmas gift a Scouser can receive?
A day off work, and a chance to watch the footie in peace.
41. Why did the Scouser go to the North Pole for Christmas?
Because he heard that the reindeer had a better chance of winning the Grand National than Liverpool FC!
42. What’s a Scouser’s favourite Christmas tradition?
Having a pint with their mates before heading home for the big dinner.
43. What do you call a Scouser at the Christmas markets?
Someone who’s just there for the mulled wine and a good natter!
44. Why did the Scouser put his Christmas presents in a bag from Asda?
Because nothing says “festive” like a bag with a bargain!
45. How do Scousers celebrate Christmas?
With family, food, and plenty of laughs—because what else would make the day complete?
Conclusion
Christmas is a time for fun, family, and laughter, and there’s no better way to bring out that festive spirit than with a good Scouse joke. Whether you’re sharing these around the dinner table, or telling them to brighten up the office holiday party, these jokes are sure to bring smiles to everyone. From the cheeky charm to the quick wit, Scousers know how to bring the fun to any occasion. Let these jokes remind you of the heartwarming humour that makes the holidays even more memorable. So, this Christmas, don’t forget to spread joy with these 45 Scouse Christmas jokes—because who doesn’t need a good laugh during the most wonderful time of the year?
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