Tommy Cooper, the legendary British comedian, was renowned for his distinctive style of humor, characterized by his comedic timing, charming awkwardness, and magical mishaps. Often seen wearing his signature fez and delivering punchlines with a wink, Cooper’s humor was accessible to all generations. While his routines ranged from quick one-liners to elaborate jokes involving tricks and slapstick, his Christmas jokes stand out as particularly memorable. Christmas, with its joyous chaos and festive traditions, provides the perfect backdrop for Cooper’s comedic genius.
Below, we’ve compiled 46 of Tommy Cooper’s Christmas-themed jokes. These jokes reflect his signature style — simple, funny, and full of holiday cheer. Enjoy the wit and warmth of his humor as you go through these carefully chosen lines.
46 Hilarious Tommy Cooper’s Christmas Jokes
1. “I bought my wife a Christmas present. She said, ‘I don’t want anything for Christmas.’ So I gave her nothing!”
2. “I asked Santa for a present. He said, ‘What do you want?’ I said, ‘I want a big, shiny bike!’ He said, ‘You already have a bike.’ I said, ‘I want a new one!’ He said, ‘You already have a bike!’ I said, ‘Well, Santa, I want something that can fly!’ He said, ‘Get a plane!’”
3. “I went to buy a Christmas tree, and the shopkeeper said, ‘You’ll need to water it.’ I said, ‘I’ll just put it under the tap, that’ll work, right?’”
4. “Christmas dinner was great! My turkey was so big, it could have fed a small country… but it only fed me, and that was fine!”
5. “I love Christmas. It’s the only time of year you can be surrounded by family, piles of presents, and still feel completely alone in the kitchen.”
6. “I was going to get my family matching Christmas pajamas, but my wife said, ‘Tommy, we’re not doing that again.’”
7. “I asked my kids what they wanted for Christmas. They said, ‘A bike.’ I said, ‘How about a nice pair of slippers?’ They said, ‘Santa doesn’t bring slippers.’ I said, ‘Well, he won’t be bringing you a bike this year!’”
8. “I got my mother a Christmas card that said, ‘To the woman who gave me life.’ She opened it and said, ‘What, this? You got me a card?’”
9. “You know you’re getting old when you start getting Christmas presents like socks, slippers, and dental floss.”
10. “I bought some Christmas lights, and now the whole house looks like it’s having a party. Shame about the electricity bill!”
11. “I got my wife a vacuum cleaner for Christmas. She wasn’t impressed. I said, ‘But darling, I thought you’d like it, you could just plug it in and get to work!’”
12. “The best part of Christmas is when you realize you’ve eaten too much and the only thing left to do is nap under the tree.”
13. “I bought my wife a Christmas tree. She said, ‘I don’t want a tree that looks like a Christmas tree, I want something unique.’ I said, ‘So you want a pine cone?’”
14. “I had a Christmas party, and the turkey was so dry, I’m pretty sure the fire department showed up to rescue it.”
15. “I told my kids that Santa was coming early this year, and they were excited. Then I told them he was coming for the cleaning — they were less excited.”
16. “At Christmas, I always put out a plate of cookies for Santa. This year, I put out a healthy option… and Santa didn’t show up!”
17. “I asked for a drum set for Christmas. My wife gave me a roll of duct tape. She said, ‘You’re going to need this more!’”
18. “I went to see my doctor before Christmas, and I said, ‘Doc, I think I’m allergic to Christmas decorations.’ He said, ‘Oh, really? How do you know?’ I said, ‘Every time I see a Christmas tree, I get stuck in it!’”
19. “I gave my wife a Christmas gift this year. It was a big, shiny gold watch. She looked at me and said, ‘This is lovely, but could you not just give me some peace and quiet for Christmas instead?’”
20. “I told my kids about the Christmas story. They asked, ‘Is that the one where the guy who’s really old gives gifts to a baby?’ I said, ‘No, that’s Santa!’”
21. “I had a Christmas card that said, ‘Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.’ I thought, why just be merry at Christmas? Why not the whole year?”
22. “I bought a Santa hat and wore it to work. My boss said, ‘Tommy, that’s not quite the Christmas spirit I had in mind.’ I said, ‘Well, it’s better than my last hat, isn’t it?’”
23. “I always get my Christmas shopping done early. Last year, I bought a present in September. This year, I still haven’t bought anything.”
24. “My Christmas tree is so big, it takes half the living room to keep it standing. And the other half? That’s for the presents!”
25. “My kids always leave cookies for Santa. I always eat them and leave a note, ‘Thanks for the cookies, Santa!’ They never get suspicious.”
26. “I’ve noticed that every Christmas, I seem to end up with more socks than I can handle. At this rate, I’m just going to start a sock factory.”
27. “I asked Santa for a new car for Christmas. He said, ‘You’re not getting a car. You can take the bus like everyone else.’”
28. “Christmas dinner was great! My aunt made the best turkey. It was so good, it had the neighbors knocking on the door asking for seconds!”
29. “I went to a Christmas party, and they were serving Christmas pudding. I said, ‘That looks like a brick.’ They said, ‘It’s not a brick, it’s pudding.’ I said, ‘Then it should come with a hammer to break it open!’”
30. “I love how Christmas brings everyone together. It’s the only time of year that family members you’ve never met suddenly become your best friends.”
31. “I bought a Christmas jumper for my friend. He said, ‘It’s not the jumper, it’s what’s inside that counts.’ I said, ‘Well, that’s great because I got you the wrong size!’”
32. “I told my kids that Santa would only visit if they were good. They said, ‘Do we have to be good for the whole year?’ I said, ‘Oh, just for the next few weeks. It’s Christmas!’”
33. “I once asked my dad what he wanted for Christmas. He said, ‘I don’t need anything.’ I said, ‘Then I’ll get you a pair of socks!’”
34. “My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I said, ‘Surprise me!’ So she got me a GPS. Now I can’t get lost in the house!”
35. “I went to the shops to buy some Christmas cards. There were so many to choose from, I bought the first one I saw and called it a day!”
36. “I’m so excited about Christmas! I’ve been wrapping presents for the last three days, but now I’m out of wrapping paper.”
37. “I asked for a big, shiny present. Santa said, ‘What would you like in it?’ I said, ‘A smaller present!’”
38. “I’m spending Christmas with my in-laws this year. It’s like the best Christmas gift — it’s the gift that keeps on giving… back to the store!”
39. “I put out a Christmas tree this year, but I think it’s been haunted. Every time I look at it, the ornaments start spinning in the wrong direction!”
40. “I tried to be a good person this year for Christmas. But it’s hard when everyone keeps giving you presents you didn’t ask for.”
41. “The best part of Christmas dinner is the leftovers. You get to enjoy your feast for days without having to cook!”
42. “I’ve been trying to teach my dog to fetch the Christmas presents. So far, all he’s done is chew on the wrapping paper.”
43. “I asked my wife if she wanted to go to a fancy restaurant for Christmas dinner. She said, ‘I just want to stay home with you.’ I said, ‘Well, that’s great because I’ve just burnt the turkey!’”
44. “Christmas shopping is so much fun. It’s the one time of year I get to go to a shop, not know what I’m doing, and still come out with presents!”
45. “I bought a Christmas card that said, ‘To the person who has everything.’ I wrote inside, ‘Except a decent present from me.’”
46. “Christmas is like a big family reunion. You spend most of the time pretending you’re enjoying it, and the rest of the time eating.”
As we conclude this journey through Tommy Cooper’s Christmas jokes, it’s clear that his humor transcended time and remains a beloved part of British comedy. His unique ability to find humor in the simplest of situations and his effortless delivery made him a comedic icon. Whether you’re in need of a laugh during the holiday season or simply want to relive the magic of Tommy Cooper’s style, his jokes continue to remind us that sometimes, the best holiday cheer comes from a well-timed punchline.