Farming may be a serious business, but that doesn’t mean farmers don’t have a sense of humor. In fact, some of the funniest jokes you’ll ever hear come straight from the fields and barns of rural communities. And when it comes to farmer jokes, there’s a special category that’s not for the faint of heart – the dirty farmer jokes. These rib-ticklers might not be suitable for all audiences, but for those with a taste for humor on the naughty side, they’re sure to bring on the laughs. So, grab your pitchfork and get ready to chuckle as we delve into the world of dirty farmer jokes.
A Collection of Farmer Jokes
1. As a farmer, I hear lots of jokes about sheep.
I’d tell them to my dog but he’d herd them all.
2. Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
3. Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
Because he was out standing in his field.
4. What farm animal keeps the best time?
A watch dog.
5. Why can’t the bankrupt farmer complain?
Because he’s got no beef.
6. What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?
Udder nonsense.
7. What happened when the farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
He got a hot-diggity-dog.
8. What did the farmer say when he lost one of his cows?
What a miss-steak.
9. Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar?
He wanted sweet and sour pork.
10. What did the farmer say when his fat pig wouldn’t fit into the pen?
“There’s more there than meets the sty.”
11. Why do cows like being told farmer jokes?
Because they like being amoosed.
12. Why did the pig take a bath?
Because the farmer said, “Hogwash”.
13. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s popcorn?
14. What new crop did the farmer plant?
Beets me.
15. What kind of pigs know karate?
Pork chops.
16. What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Straw-berries.
17. What do farmers use to make crop circles?
A pro-tractor.
18. Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field.
19. Did you hear about the wooden tractor?
It had wooden wheels, wooden engine, wooden transmission and wooden work.
20. What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
You take me for grunted.
21. Where does a farmer get his medicine from?
The farm-acist.
22. Why are farmers cruel?
Because they pull corn by the ears.
23. How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.
24. I asked a farmer if it’s easy to milk a cow.
He said, “Sure. Any jerk can do it.”
25. Why did the farmer call his pig “Ink”?
Because it was always running out of the pen.
26. What is a Happy Farmer’s favorite candy?
A Jolly Rancher.
27. Where do farmers send their kids to grow?
Kinder-garden.
See Also: 34 Seriously Funny Dirty Christmas Jokes 2024
28. What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.
29. What’s the best part of farming?
Getting down and dirty with my hoes.
30. What did the farmer get when he crossed an owl with a goat?
A ‘Hootinanny.’
31. No farm building should ever, under any circumstances, be used as a convent…
Barn nun.
32. Grain farmers have a tough life.
They barley survive from wheat to wheat.
33. I tried to navigate the farmer’s field…
But it was a maize.
Long Dirty Farmer Jokes
34. The Rooster’s Confession: A farmer’s rooster was feeling a bit guilty one morning, so he decided to come clean. He strutted up to the farmer and said, “I have to confess, I’ve been sleeping with the hens.” The farmer, taken aback, replied, “That’s okay, just don’t tell the pigs. They think they’re next in line for a promotion!”
35. The Naughty Nanny Goat: A farmer noticed that his prize nanny goat was getting rather plump. Concerned, he asked the veterinarian to take a look. After a thorough examination, the vet delivered the news, “Your nanny goat is pregnant.” The farmer scratched his head and said, “Well, I’ll be darned. I guess that explains why all the billy goats in the neighborhood have been winking at me!”
36. The Mischievous Cow: One day, a farmer walked into his barn to find his cow standing on three legs. Puzzled, he asked the cow, “What on earth are you doing?” The cow replied, “Just practicing my yoga moves.” The farmer chuckled and said, “Well, be careful. You might pull a muscle and end up giving us skim milk!”
37. The Sassy Scarecrow: A group of crows was wreaking havoc on a farmer’s crops, so he decided to take action. He erected a scarecrow in the middle of the field to ward off the pesky birds. The next day, he returned to find the scarecrow surrounded by a flock of amorous crows. Perplexed, he asked the scarecrow, “What did you do to attract all these birds?” The scarecrow replied with a wink, “I guess they just couldn’t resist my straw.”
38. The Corny Pickup Line: A farmer spotted an attractive woman at the local farmer’s market and decided to make his move. He sauntered over and said, “Are you a cornfield? Because I’m stalking you.” The woman rolled her eyes and replied, “Are you a farmer? Because you’re really reaching.”
39. The Frisky Fertilizer: A farmer was spreading fertilizer in his fields when his neighbor stopped by for a chat. Curious, the neighbor asked, “What’s in that fertilizer you’re using? Your crops are growing like crazy!” The farmer grinned and said, “Oh, just a little bit of magic and a whole lot of bull… well, you know.”
Conclusion: Dirty Farmer Jokes – A Bumper Crop of Laughs
While farming may be a tough and demanding profession, it’s also one that breeds a unique brand of humor. Dirty farmer jokes may not be suitable for every audience, but for those who appreciate a bit of naughtiness in their humor, they’re a treasure trove of laughs. From amorous animals to cheeky crops, these jokes prove that even the most mundane aspects of farm life can inspire hilarity. So, the next time you’re in need of a good chuckle, just remember – there’s nothing like a dirty farmer joke to brighten your day.